Insufficient

This feeling of hollowness like im not strong enough like im not big enough i definitely dont want to wait a 100% for everything in my life to fall into its rightful place...i want to change and mould myslf into 1 but HOW? Im not smart enuf to solve problems on my own im not creative enuf to build things out of thin air! Y cant i? Y do i think i cant? Bcuz this problem b4 me is like a thick miasma. Im losing faith i think that this problem is unsolvable or maybe i really am not the oly key to this puzzle.I live in fear of things that scare me and never 1nce did i think to face them.....the best way to solve a problem is to face them.When i say out loud that i am strong i feel like im hollowing a little on the inside...i feel like im lying to my self confidently...and acknowledgement of this fact oly aggravates my fear and pain.
The day i severed the connections from outside i started to live 4 my self...that connection still is severed and im feeling lonely...like even if i wanted to i cant protect the ppl around me..i cant solve their problems for them like i have no other choice but to abandon them! From where does this feeling rise out off?

I think wat im experiencing is not fear but a passive wrath...anguish at the incapability my hands possess.I lust power i want to grow BIG!

/^.^\

I cant make up my mind i cant seem to make up my mind i feel so restless its killing me there are things beyond me things that i cannot change! What do i do? The severity and the complexity of the problem is stunning i wonder if my 2 little hands can change that! Even if i hold a torch unwitheringly in the massive darkness will darkness ultimately consume light?!?! :/ with faith and bravery u can face anything! However where do i get this strength from? Does it make sense is it logical?
Can i build an empire? Wheredoes this optimism come from? Im afraid bcuz my brain cant beam past the uncertainity! Where does the magic lie? How!? Im quite logical but where does all this logic in my head come from? Where? Too muchof pressure on me bcuz deep down i expect i shud be more....more intelligent more athletic more EVERYTHING and somehow i fail my own expectations (sooooo obvious) but y do i feellike a hamster living in a cage running on a wheel?

Confessions of a confused individual

It's clear that i'm doomed!,being a final year student of undergrad school i suddenly feel like some one opened up my eyes ok! I finally felt like opening up my eyes.With regret I'd like to state for the last 3 years Ive been a puppet to my fears everday went with misery the belief I'd get ostracised was so vehement inside me  that i pulled myself out any social situation earlier.I failed to live life to the fullest and now that i look back i remember each day like every other day a very numb feeling overwhelms me.However,this led to a serious turbulence of events, Ive realised no change can occur with no struggle it overall made me YEARN....y me? Y not me? Why shoudn't I? I can? I can! I really dont understand how humans normally get past this stage of insecurity its almost impossible to discern how it occurs,do they get past naturally or do they spend a lifetime mastering it? To face the reality of life is some of the hardest things ive been through Ivefound FAITH as my companion through the labyrinth of intricate simplicity life holds.I wantto take a chance ivegot real less interest on what the outcome is!I have had enough of being a benchwarmer I can let my dread of getting hit by the ball stop me from taking a swing! I want to breathe edit: I'm breathing aren't you?

Clueless as usual

A turbulent fight between friends is like a situation where u feel the world is coming to an end! Let me first confess i cried yes i CRIED and ive never cried not in school...not during the last 3 yrs of college until Today.......1st of all i feel shameful that i cried its just that no matter how many times i told myself im strong i can do this at that split second it felt like reality slapped me and said look around you! You are already a loser no one respects me...looks at me with pity...voices like "what an idiot? Isnt she too shameless?" Keeps repeating non-stop.I know even if they dont say it out loud they still mean it deep inside their minds...the mind that exists behind their eyes and thats why i CRIED.It was a miserable moment my original intent was to get angry instead...getting angry is such a common emotion in humans however when im encountered with a situation that pretty much equates to FRIGHT FLIGHT FIGHT...I shamelessly choose flight..people would respect anyone who is capable of fending off for themselves.Unfortunately in my case its impossible.. I feel FEAR faster than any other muscle in my body and why is that?? Its because i painfully know what they think is true.....what they think is true..WHAT THEY THINK IS TRUE?!?! sfx: faint.So thats it i base my value on others..... i let my life get judged on how others percieve me... theres very less of me in my life than the term others!!!!! Ahh! I love blogs they are sooo thought processing.

Clueless factor #2

Im not the type that usually lets stuff like popularity and social status get to me....by now you should have guessed I live the life of a recluse no offense most bloggers are.Today I met a star a bright shinning star...she was beautiful,rich,smart,lucky,optimistic,self confident etc....and I am a girl with a half eaten shrivelled up dosa in my backpack.I felt like I was from a different world from her.What hurts the most was my pride that i couldn't even look her in the eye.My self confidence was just like my dosa shrivelled up! I wanted to change that....I love myself and I want others to see that.Im tired of waiting everyday for my fairy godmother to turn up with a wand.Its time to roll up your sleeves and watch yourself transform.

I forgot 1 crucial fact...this person was right beside me not a planetary star far away but a normal person with afreckled face over emotional attitude and unscreenable mouth!! Nd important of all she was my friend and i failed to see that it took me a month to realise i dont need to catch up with her im already there! I dont quit as simple as that i already c myself no less inferior to her.

Random thoughts

clueless#1
since when did being nice mean u r stereotypically dumb...we all know that nice guys finish last meme started by nigahiga perhaps its not all bullshit and there is some truth to it..the fairytale we read as children goes like sugar and spice with everything nice..i guess its a spell that works only until you are eight.The human mind is ridiculously simple and outstanding in many ways...its simple because we are all designed with one motive to survive and suceed.....and outstanding because we will go to any measure to fulfill it.we were taught be good and good things will happen.is this some kind of nurturing ethics?

Personal diary #1

You have no idea with how much regret and pain I'm writing this....its just I can't hold it in anymore, I can't pretend to be happy, I can't pretend to be nonchalant to the turmoil that is wrecking a havoc inside me.
  OK!  i accept (not evading the self-denial trait i usually have) I'm a loner..people think I'm weird EXTRAORDINARILY  weird..i get bullied and it drains the sanity out of me.

Humans what are they? they seem so scary at times....its like i don't even belong with them Or am i just imagining that I'm an outcast the entire time?

Human#1

              This type are literally the one I would call the BRAINLESS type..then I wouldn't call myself intelligent cause I constantly got bullied by her..the most painful part of my time with her was because I BOUGHT EVERY BIT OF SHIT SHE SOLD ME.Everything to the things I wear to the stuff I eat was constantly critiqued by her.Every time she pointed me out the more i felt hopeless,hurt and miserable.
I didn't want to ruin my life by living every day in such a suffocative daze so i stopped contacting her..i simply severed her off....she was like a tumor growing on me....

Now, after years of not seeing her im beginning to get a better picture..that person was hollowing on the inside.She felt constantly stressed over really stupid things.To put it in plain words,She bullied me to get away from her own nightmares.I, no matter how painfully embarrassing it is to accept am a very simple person and i also have the tendency to put others before me.An introvert and really shy (magnet to assholes) i find this fact UNCHANGEABLE.

I really want to ask her this:
                "Is it really fun? To bully someone just because that person respects your opinion and does a few things to please you,Taking advantage is your pass time aint it Bitch?"

I know,If someone was reading this they'll be like Get a life!,Its not the end of the world its just one friggin person!....
                 But,what would you do?   If it keeps happening over and over and OVER again.....